England 2008

“Linnie, I have to get out of here, I'm fucking going crazy.”

Aidan pulled the three blades out of the dartboard where they were all grouped around the bullseye. The color-coded circle was all but obliterated now, with days and days of practice. The cork behind it was in even worse shape.

“You keep giving me that, 'I'm okay,' line, but this little hobby of yours... not exactly healthy Aidan.”

“What the hell else am I supposed to do? I've been trapped in this tiny ass flat going out of my mind. I could be drinking myself into an early grave. Would that be preferable? I can go get a head start, if that's the case. I just want to go for a walk and get a cup of coffee. It's not like I'm after a fight.”

“I'm not your keeper, A. If you want to go, then go, I just think it's a bad idea. I know I've seen that fucker hanging around. He knows Elsie has been staying here, and he's waiting.”

“And why are we letting him change the way we live? That's what I really want to know. He's the fucking scumbag here, and we're the ones hiding. Why is that?”

“We're not hiding, we're being smart about a situation beyond our control.”

Control. Aidan really hated that word. It had an ugly connotation Every time she heard it, it was like an accusation. How many times had she heard it thrown at her as such?

“Control yourself around the guests.”

“Don't you have any self-control?”

“A Carlton never loses control.”

“You just have to let your mother be in control.”

She shook the thoughts off and looked back to Belinda.

“I have to go out, okay? Just for a little bit. I'm going to go down the block to the coffee shop, have my drink there, and come back. I promise.”

“Just be careful, okay?”

Aidan could hardly get outside fast enough. Feeling the open air on her skin brought on a kind of satisfaction that couldn't quite be explained. All she knew was that she needed it, badly. Of course, with relief also came concern. She couldn't help looking around as she stood in front of the building, or checking over her shoulder every so often as she walked down the sidewalk.

It was a nice day. Even though it was cool, the sun was shining. People smiled at her and she struggled to smile back. Once she had stepped into the little coffee shop she felt somewhat safer, perhaps just because it was indoors, and familiar. It was one of her favorite haunts whenever she had the itch to do something without really doing something.

Putting a smile on her face, she forced herself to relax when she stepped into line. It was one of those awkward times of day when there weren't many people in, so she didn't have to wait long. Not that she needed a prolonged period of time to decide what she wanted. She always got the same thing; a non-fat caramel latte. None of that sugar free shit though.

She had almost relaxed by the time she had the paper 'to go' cup in hand. She set it down on the small bar that was between the counter and the seating area where the various and sundry coffee additives and necessities could be found. All Aidan needed was one of the little cardboard sleeves to put a buffer between her hand and the hot cup, but the corrugated fuckers were all stuck together with their glue like they always were.

“You're looking well, love.”

Had she had her cup in hand, Aidan might have crushed it in surprise as she turned on her heel, coming face-to-face with Blake Ross. Where the fuck had he come from?! She had checked the place twice when she stepped in and had looked everywhere when she left the building. Her heart was instantly in her throat and she couldn't manage to speak around it. The feigned look of concern on his face was enraging, but no one around them even seemed to take notice.

“Really though, that nasty night and no one would ever know. You'll have to tell me your secret, I'm dying to know.”

She finally found her voice.

“I'll scream.”

“Now why would you want to do that? Two friends run into each other after all this time and you want to cut the conversation short? That's just rude. I hate it when people are rude, Aidan.”

The knot in her throat was so large that it made her eyes water to try to swallow. She barely even registered the screech of steaming milk over the hammering of her heartbeat filling her head.

“How the fuck do you know my name?”

“Oh, I know so much more than that, love. Pretty thing like you punches her way into a man's life, he takes notice. How's the family back home? I hear Rochester is having a terrible winter.”

It was the wrong leverage. He thought he was threatening, but inside she felt nothing. She felt guilty for feeling nothing.

“Wouldn't know, I don't have a family.”

“Oh, little squabbles break things apart, darling, but biology can't be changed like a name. And no matter how much you hate Mommy and Daddy, those brothers of yours are still getting letters.”

“I swear to fucking god if you don't get the hell away from me—”

Her hand shifted back toward where she remembered the plastic forks were.

“You'll do what, love? Stab me with some plastic cutlery? Right here in front of all these people. That seems like it would cause you an awful lot of trouble. The police already have their doubts about you.”

“How the fuck—”

“Do I know about that? Because you're predictable, love. Just like I can finish your sentences. Now, I'm going to be a nice bloke and let you walk out of here. I won't even follow you home, so long as you choose your next words and actions very wisely.”

She hated the way he stared at her as he let the words sink in. It was just like Maureen used to. They practically had the same eyes.

“Now, be a good girl and give your old flame a nice hug instead of looking at him like a monster.”

Her stomach turned at the thought, but she didn't know what else to do. His body was hard with muscle as she hesitantly slipped hear arms around him. He wore expensive cologne this time, and she might have liked it on anyone else. His breath was hot on her neck as his hand traveled down her back and took a firm grip on her ass.

“Very good. Was that so hard? Now, give us a kiss, and make it good.”

Repulsion had a unique flavor. Cigarettes, overly sweet coffee, and something metallic at the end. An abrupt clearing of a throat interrupted them, thankfully, and a little old lady was giving quite the glare where they were blocking the bar.

“Apologies.”

His smile charmed the elderly woman almost instantly.

“High school sweethearts, it's been forever. We got a little carried away. You'd think I was seventeen and trying to convince her to go to the empty rugby field with me again. She always resisted, though, this one. She's always been a keeper.”

It was everything Aidan could do not to slap him right then and there. But he grabbed her hand, his grip painfully tight, and kissed the back of her mostly healed knuckles.

“I won't hold you up anymore love. Don't be a stranger.”

As soon as she hit the door, the world blurred. She felt a fingernail scratch her temple as she wiped angrily at her eyes. By the time she made it through the door of the flat and locked it behind her, she'd lost the ability to stand. The floor was cold, as close to soothing as it could get. She curled up right there and choked back a sob. She wouldn't cry. She refused to cry.

 

 

- - - - -

New York, January 5th, 2016

Aidan's heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she felt sick as she flipped the back page of the folder shut, the morbid, twisted reading now complete. She could feel Elsie's eyes on her back from wherever in the living room the blonde had seated herself. She could feel the tension in the air and Elsie's desire to break it with an unwanted apology.

“Fucking human trafficking, Elsie?”

Her voice cracked with the question like she was a pubescent boy, and she hated the sound of it.

“I didn't know! Why do you act like I did it intentionally?!”

The chair scraped on the floor as Aidan stood and rounded on the other woman, throwing her hands out with her response.

“How could you not know something was wrong? With everything you've managed to step in over the course of your life, how can you not have developed an ability to see when something isn't right? Do you not have the least bit of self-preservation?”

“It's not like he walked up to me and told me he was a creep! He was nice, and charming!”

“So was Blake! Remember how that turned out?”

“That's not fair!”

“Yes it is! You don't fucking go to a club in Eastern Europe alone, Elsie! Ever! And you don't let a stranger buy you a drink, and you don't take him home, and you certainly don't tell him your entire goddamn life story as pillow talk!”

“What am I supposed to do, spend my entire life just not trusting anybody?”

“Yes!”

“Then I'd be exactly like you!”

The blow hurt more than it should have. It was the truth, it was something Aidan said about herself, but coming from Elsie it stung a bit. She just turned away from the blonde. She wanted to throw something, but she'd broken enough things over the last few days.

“Yeah, well, I'm the one you came to for help, aren't I? I'm the monster you needed.”

“...Aidan... That's not what I meant. It's not true...”

“Yeah. It is actually.”

Leaving Elsie standing there helplessly in the middle of the living area, Aidan stalked down the hall and into the bathroom. The water from the sink was frigid, which was what she wanted as she splashed it over her face. The slightly darkened circles under her eyes made the rest of her face look a little pale by comparison. Hating the reflection in the mirror, she just hung her head over the basin and splashed more water on her face.

She heard Elsie coming long before she felt the gentle tug at her hair as the other woman held it back for her to keep it from getting wet. After a few seconds, she could feel fingers against her head as Elsie stroked her brown locks. It sent a pleasant tingle all along her scalp. For the briefest of moments, she almost gave in.

“You used to let me play with your hair all the time...”

“Not now, Elsie.”

“What happened, Aidan? You're so different from how you used to be.”

She carefully disengaged her hair from the blonde's hands and dried her face on a clean towel. It was all she could do not to strangle Elsie as the information from the file swirled around in her head like a hurricane. She bit the inside of her lip for a moment as she considered the answer.

“I grew up, Elsie, that's what. I stopped hiding everything that was always on the inside. This is me, this has always been me, at some point I just stopped denying it. And you know what? You knew it. You didn't message Thea, or Belinda, or anyone else. You texted me, because you knew.”